Life is such a mix of emotions that I can’t explain. It is so overwhelming, I feel like my head is going to explode with thoughts. Sometimes I just want to escape outside of my own body just so I can just go back to being me. If I could cope with how I feel day to day with my depression it would be different, but I just don’t know how to. I am trying to learn to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but all I see is darkness. I feel so isolated.  Not because I am, but because my mind makes it out to be that way. I have always felt that I stood alone. That no one cares or understands how I am feeling, so I just learnt over time to stop talking about what is really going on inside. And now with the depression I feel even more alone. Alone in the way where I am stuck with my own thoughts cycling through my head and I feel like I don’t have the power to talk to anyone. Even though there are many people that care to listen. To me I wonder why they would care to listen about my problems. It is so hard to all of sudden become so weak mentally that I have had to start relying on people without even noticing most times. I feel weak because I am so overwhelmed even with the smallest things. I can’t even remember the simplest things, so I feel like some people just ignore me because it seems like I am not listening even though I am.  

It is like a monster has taken over me and I can’t get rid of the monster. This monster has altered me inside and out.  I know I am supposed to conquer it, but in the past couple weeks I feel like this ugly thing is killing me slowly, like it is eating me alive. The only thing that is keeping me alive is the constant support from the family I live with. Even though I feel like I am alone and spiraling out of control, they will always be there to lean on.

The one thing I have learnt this week is the awesomeness of believing. I might be in a dark hole right now with no light, but believing that one day I will wake up and I will see enough light to pick me off my feet is enough to get me through my days. Believing that my family is right there to catch me when I fall instead of ignoring their love warms my heart. Believing that I am not the only one that goes through this and has no clue how to deal with depression makes me a little happier. Even though right now I feel so overwhelmed with life that I can’t sleep, most days I don’t feel hungry, but I still eat and I can’t deal with the simple things that are placed in front of me . I still think to myself to believe, believe anything, but the bad. Does it always work, no, but enough to get me through another day.